How I Fell In Love With Music
“Why do you love music so much?” I was asked this question a few months ago by a friend and I initially couldn’t give her an answer. I froze for a few seconds while the gears in my head turned - I was completely stumped. In 2023 Spotify Wrapped says I listened to at least 104,000 minutes of music (this excludes the long shifts I spent doing bar work at various music events across London last summer). Long story short, I dedicate an unusually large amount of time to consuming music, whether that be reminiscing on my favourite artists’ albums or discovering hidden gems. Yet, in spite of all the time I spent listening to music I struggled to explain why music interested me so deeply. I mean, it’s not exactly as if I’m twiddling my thumbs looking for a way to pass the time, especially given that I’m a 3rd year Law student attempting to balance the stress of my degree with the humdrum of life.
While thinking of an answer to my friend’s question I began to reflect on my life.
Whether it was Skepta thumping out of speakers at my first house party, Summer Walker softly singing whilst I plucked the courage up to ask out my high-school crush or Dave pouring out my headphones whilst I drag myself to work, music has accompanied me at every stage of my life. I don’t think I’ve gone a day without it. In many ways, it’s been one of the few things that has constantly been an outlet for me in spite of all the changes in my personal life and our world in general.
Sideline Story:
Although life outside my degree revolves a lot around music, I have to confess that sports was my first love. In school I played a lot of Rugby, Hockey and Basketball. It instilled self-discipline during my adolescence and offered me a healthy outlet to process my emotions at a time I needed it most. For context, my parent’s separated when I was 13 and although I maintained a relationship with both of them (they shared joint custody) it was a tumultuous time at home. I moved around a lot during that period and felt as if I didn’t have one specific place I called home. It might sound cliché, but being part of a team gave me a sense of purpose and belonging.
My favourite sport was definitely Rugby. The physicality of it was a great way of staying in shape …. it also probably stopped me from punching a hole in the wall ‘cause Lord knows if I didn’t release my anger I would have probably punched a hole in the wall. When I was about 14 my club coach picked me to try out for a professional Rugby club nearby named London Irish, seeing potential for me take my talent to the next level. The trials went well and I was accepted into the academy! After a few weeks I quickly saw how competitive this environment was going to be; I was among the best of the best. Before every training session I’d have my ears glued to my headphones, bumping J Cole’s mixtapes like The Warm Up alongside the next gen of rising UK stars, like J-Hus. Pumped up by the energy in these songs, I was determined to prove myself. I reckoned that if I stayed consistent and kept grinding I had a pretty good chance at being a starter.
However, life had other plans for me.
After just under year in the academy I went from being a promising player to watching from the sideline. I can’t say that getting dropped from the team was a surprise. I’d gone from being a big fish in a small pond to being a big fish in an even bigger pond - one filled with fish who could bench 90 kg at age 15. Even though I put a respectable amount of hours into the gym and onto the pitch, the reality of pro sports is that it has to be your life. Each year the academy makes cuts and that year I happened to be the one who didn’t make it. As painful as it was, it taught me exactly what it takes to succeed - undivided focus.
Losing Ctrl:
Maybe it was a good thing I was dropped, since it allowed me to focus more time on school and I ended up doing pretty well in my GCSEs. But I couldn’t help but feel that I was giving into the pressure many children of the diaspora face - to be successful I had to get a job like Doctor, Accountant … or Lawyer. During 6th form I continued being competitive in sports, but I’d come to terms with the fact that my pro aspirations were unlikely to be resuscitated. I felt like I was drifting without a purpose.
I continued feeling that way until I started reconnecting with my creative side.
Although I enjoyed acting and playing guitar when I was a little younger, I just didn’t have the time for it when I was taking sports seriously. And to be fair, some of the stuff I was into as a kid I just grew out of ; I think it might’ve raised a few eyebrows if I was still making stop-motion videos using Legos as a teenager. Nonetheless, I began to find comfort in being a little bit left-field again. I remember one day mentioning to some friends that I was going to play the song “Supermodel” by SZA on guitar at the school talent show as part of a group. This guy, who I’m gonna call John, overheard the conversation and decided to interrupt. He turns round and tells me “that sounds kinda gay”, whatever that’s meant to mean. Looking back, it’s funny ‘cause I knew him pretty well from playing sports together and he might be one of the most emotionally repressed people I’ve ever met. But I suppose not everyone would appreciate my interests and what I was doing.
Inner City Blues:
An important part of this story is the pandemic. Like the rest of the world, I was deprived of the social interaction which we had all taken for granted up until that point. This sense of loneliness became worse after the passing of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmed Arbery. Whilst many in the western world were forced to come down from their ivory towers and confront the harsh reality of racism for the first time, I was grappling with the recurrent trauma of seeing someone whose skin tone resembled mine be brutalised by those meant to “protect and serve”. I had this feeling that I didn’t belong, especially since I was one of the few black students in my predominantly white school. This was compounded by own personal struggles, as I was still dealing with the scars left by my parent’s divorce.
A lot of the surface level music that was popular amongst my peers lost it’s appeal to me around this time. One of the few albums that I kept in rotation was Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On. Although it was written about 50 years ago in the backdrop of the Vietnam war and the Civil Rights movement, everything that Gaye spoke about was relevant in that moment. In a sense it’s sad because it shows that change has been slow, but it also speaks volumes about how powerful his music was that I could listen to it today and his words still resonate. It was comforting and made me feel understood.
Before 2020 I hadn’t really listened to much soul music, but after hearing Kanye West sample Marvin Gaye on his song Spaceship on the College Dropout I decided to dig into the Motown legend’s catalogue. Soon, I started delving deeper into a lot of music that I hadn’t really appreciated fully until now, trying to understand the artist’s intention behind the music. It sent me down a lot of rabbit holes and helped me pass by the time whilst I was locked down.
This was around the time I started writing poetry consistently, inspired initially by the introspective bars of some of my favourite rappers like Kano and Kendrick Lamar. I’d always enjoyed listening to their music, with Kendrick’s albums in particular serving as the soundtrack to a lot of my adolescence. But now, I could understand why they felt compelled to share their stories with the world. It was a form of therapy for them. I found a similar release in writing about whatever was on my mind, even if it would be a few years before I became comfortable sharing these with other people.
The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree:
All the time I spent by myself in the pandemic also gave me a chance to reflect on my life as a whole. I started thinking back to a lot of the music that influenced me as a child. My parents had me when they were quite young, so when I was a kid the music they were into reflected their youth - lots of 90s/2000s Hip-Hop and R&B, as well as reggae and Zimbabwean folk music. The songs I heard heavily influenced my own taste in music. Many of the artists I’d hear around the house would later become some of my favourites, like Biggie, Snoop Dogg, Wutang Clan, Brandy, Aaliyah and TLC.
One really vivid memory I have from my childhood was this time I was in the car with my Dad and 99 Problems by Jay Z comes on. He tells me and little sister to stop whatever we’re doing and listen to the lyrics. Tapping his thumb against the steering wheel he can’t help but start rapping along (albeit a little haphazardly). He then parks the car up and asks us what we thought about the song. Being kid’s we don’t really know what was being said and probably wanted to go back to whatever game we were playing before. He then turns to me with a stern but assuring look and says “Jay Z just broke down how you as a black man should react if you are ever pulled over by police.”
Although 99 Problems oozes swagger from it’s catchy punchlines, there’s a lot of knowledge hidden under the surface, particularly in verse 2. Bar by bar, my Dad broke down how it is essential to remain calm and composed when approached by police. Maybe the most important part is when Jay responds to the officer trying to illegally search his car.
… I know my rights, so you gon' need a warrant for that
"Aren't you sharp as a tack?
You some type of lawyer or something?
Somebody important or something?"
Well, I ain't passed the bar, but I know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my shit …
Although this is relevant specifically to the USA where vehicles cannot be searched without a warrant or probable cause, it’s still a good lesson about the importance of knowing your statutory rights. For example, I’d bet that most of you reading this don’t know that the police cannot enter your property in the UK without either getting a warrant or getting your permission. I’ve heard quite a few stories of people caving into the pressure of a policeman at their front door shouting at them when they have a legal right to refuse their entry.
Through this song I learned a lesson that would stay with me forever.
Final Thoughts
Now, time to bring this full circle. My response to the question “why do you love music so much” is that music articulates emotions and ideas to millions of people without listeners ever realising it. Whether it’s offering a sense of solace in tough times or simply just bringing a smile to someone as they dance, it is a medium where everyone can have a shared experience. And who knows, maybe it even has the ability to change people’s perceptions of the world. I think this quote from Tupac explains it the best:
“I'm not saying … I'm gonna change the world, but I guarantee you that I will spark the brain that will change the world.”
I don’t think any of us can really explain why we become passionate about anything - whether it be music, film, sports, fashion etc. During our youth we sort of develop these interests based on what we consume, completely unaware that it’s happening. I find it fascinating how these influence not just how we spend our time, but the friends we make and even our own personalities. These things change us fundamentally as people.
In my case, I feel like my passion is beginning to draw me into a certain direction. You could call it a vocation. After a lot of soul searching I’ve decided to take a calculated gamble and pursue a career that goes against the conventional wisdom given by my lecturers: I’ve set my sights on being an entertainment lawyer. I want to work with artists, helping them navigate the often hidden business aspect of creating art. Most law students are expected to settle for more traditional careers in the corporate world, prioritising profit over all else. But the older I get, the more I realise that nothing else really captures my attention the way being creative does.
Although I’ll be a lawyer by trade, I’m an artist at heart.
Hey this is super random, but this was sent to my Substack Reads emails and I really liked it! I'd love to connect, as I've been meaning to find more friends that are interested in music :)